{"id":357,"date":"2017-10-03T19:00:39","date_gmt":"2017-10-03T19:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/?p=357"},"modified":"2017-10-03T19:08:15","modified_gmt":"2017-10-03T19:08:15","slug":"impostor-syndrome","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/?p=357","title":{"rendered":"Impostor Syndrome"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s the good news: I am a guest author at not one, but two different science fiction conventions this October, SWFL Writer\u2019s Showcase<\/a> and NecronomiCon<\/a>. Here\u2019s the bad news: I don\u2019t feel like an author.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a tendency for artists and creators to get in a kind of funk when they haven\u2019t been producing much. Legitimately or not, we often think of ourselves only as good as our most recent work output\u2014I may have edited a pretty great book last year (check out Silent Screams if you haven\u2019t yet<\/a>), but\u2026 well\u2026 I haven\u2019t had a story published in a while. Even worse, more and more when I sit down to write, I\u2019ve been having trouble solidifying my imagination into words and getting them onto paper. I have some killer ideas for my next novel, and some fun short fiction concepts rattling around the brain-box, but haven\u2019t had anything to share with my writing critique group for the past month or so.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s where self-doubt comes in\u2014the nagging thought that maybe I just suck at this and my previous successes were flukes. This is compounded by things like being a guest at conventions. Who the heck am I to sit on panels next to way more successful and famous people and give others writing advice?<\/p>\n

In Disney\u2019s \u201cBeauty and the Beast,\u201d Lumiere laments that \u201clife is so unnerving for a servant who\u2019s not serving.\u201d I second that emotion. When I\u2019m not actively producing, I feel\u2026 well, less somehow. There\u2019s a weird sort of guilt, like I\u2019m wasting time and not living up to my potential. We like to put ourselves into boxes and categorize ourselves with neat definitions. I am a painter, so I paint. I am an athlete, so I compete. I am an intellectual, so I debate.<\/p>\n

I am an author, so I write.<\/p>\n

I think, therefore, I am.<\/p>\n

But what of the painter who can do no more than doodle swirly lines on her canvas? What of the athlete who, through a tragic accident, winds up confined to a wheelchair? What of the intellectual who struggles with bouts of depression or crippling headaches?<\/p>\n

Am I still an author when I\u2019m hitting the writer\u2019s block wall or when I\u2019d rather crank up Steam than my word processor? Am I still a Christian when my devotional life tanks and my prayers are empty parrot-talk? Am I still a teacher when, despite my best intentions, I don\u2019t communicate what I want my students to learn?<\/p>\n

Of course, the answer to all three of these is yes. Failure is a normal part of life. That doesn\u2019t mean I quit trying, but it does mean that I can cut myself a little slack when things aren\u2019t going so well. The fact that I\u2019m concerned about the times I\u2019m not doing so well helps prove that my heart is in the right place, and that I will eventually wind up back on top. The struggle isn\u2019t what defines me, but what I do through it.<\/p>\n

God\u2019s grace is bigger than my sin. He will see me through, because it\u2019s in His nature. It\u2019s what He does.<\/p>\n

My imagination is bigger than my writer\u2019s block, and one day, soon, the stories will flow again. It\u2019s in my nature. It\u2019s what I do.<\/p>\n

I am an author, so I write.<\/p>\n

Sometimes.<\/p>\n

And sometimes, that\u2019s good enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s the good news: I am a guest author at not one, but two different science fiction conventions this October, SWFL Writer\u2019s Showcase and NecronomiCon. Here\u2019s the bad news: I don\u2019t feel like an author. There\u2019s a tendency for artists and creators to get in a kind of funk when they haven\u2019t been producing much. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=357"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/357\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":363,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/357\/revisions\/363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.joshstrnad.ztechcomputers.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}