*Spongebob Narrator Voice*
“Over a year later…”
Man, I’m bad at updating this thing. So what’s going on with me? Here are a few highlights.
SPOOKY Magazine has, alas, come and gone. Jose and I determined from the start that we would keep it up only as long as the process was actually fun for both of us, and we mutually thought that it had run its course after three issues. In short, as Jose himself said, we came, we saw, we did a thing we were both nerdy about (and learned a lot in the process), and made something we were happy to put into the world. If we helped push the dial of horror publishing just a little in the direction of fun, cozy, family-friendly thrills and chills, we are proud of our work. That said, other interests and commitments are pulling at us, and the magazine, in its final days began just to feel like one more thing for guys whose plates were already full. We remain immensely grateful for the support we’ve received from our readers, and with the magazine behind us we both hope to be able to have more mental energy to put toward our own fiction.
On that note, I kind of wanted to write in this post a little about the strange moment I find myself in, how I’m changing and how I’m staying the same. Rachel and I are in a season where we feel God moving our hearts, and neither of us is entirely sure where that will end or what He has planned for us.
Writing wise, it’s not surprising that grad school has again eaten up a lot of my time and mental energy I would have put toward my fiction. There was a time when this bothered me deeply, but I’ve come to hold my fiction much more loosely than I once did. Rachel and I still love to engage in storytelling, sure, but not to get famous or even because it is the thing that gives our life meaning. We write simply because it’s fun.
I’m not dropping out of the HWA at the moment, nor have I altogether set aside my writing life (I am even now at work preparing a collection of my short fiction, and my cover artist Emory Watts has recently shown me a couple of concept drafts that make my brain fizz and pop), but it is not as high a priority to me as it once was. While there was a time when I thought I would make my mark on the world (whatever that means) as an author, now I basically just write stories the same way I play the piano and doodle cartoons or play board games– for fun. And I think that’s just where such a thing belongs. Rachel and I have had a lot of talks about the life we envision for ourselves, and although the arts always feature prominantly (we have the storytelling bug, after all), they no longer are as center-stage (so to speak) as they once were. Right now we have kids to raise, a church to serve, classes to take, and a whole host of other committments.
Seminary, although it’s drawn me away from some of my creative pursuits, has been a net boon for me. I’ve switched my program to focus deeper on Biblical Counseling (crawling my way toward a MA rather than an MDIV), but the greatest way it’s shaping me is simply by deepening my love for God’s Word and my committment to leading my family. The coursework is intense (honestly far more rigorous than either of my previous Masters degrees were), but I am regularly learning new things that stir my heart and get me pumped up. I’ve had a couple people I respect deeply recently challenge me to open myself up to the possibility of other ministry roles and greater responsibility in the church, and that prospect both excites and (if I’m honest) frightens me. I’m increasingly unsure what direction my future ministry will take, and am more open now to a wide variety of options than I was before.
The house we intended to build… still hasn’t been built. The land is finally cleared, but it’s just a pile of dirt at the moment. Beaurocratic red tape has proved extremely resistent to any attempts to cut through it, and although we still desire a larger home (especially as the kids grow and will need their own rooms), we have spent a lot of the meantime learning the art of contentment.
So yeah… that’s more or less it, I suppose. Library life continues to be a joy. We have begun homeschooling in earnest. I’m losing weight (at the doctor’s orders). I’m wearing my goatee longer than before. I 3D printed myself an ocarina and have been trying to learn to play on it. You know, just like everyone does. Toot toot.
Audioslave had a song in which they observed that “to be yourself is all that you can do.” With that in mind, I fully intend to stay weird, to keep having fun, and to pay close attention to what God is doing in my life. But who’s to say where all that will end up? Thankfully, i know the one who holds my future.
Change my heart, Oh God.
Make it ever true.
Change my heart, Oh God.
I want to be like You.